I am excited to say that I'm all the way through Leviticus! My goal has been a chapter per week and to have read it before I settle into the midweek service, my interim home before the move. My secret? Bible Gateway's audio feature. It has CHANGED my commute. I made the decision to not renew xm radio in an effort to focus on my audiobooks and christian music. Now, Bible Gateway has really helped me keep up with the pace of reading the Bible in a year. It also helps me stay awake in my early teacher mornings because I don't want to miss a thing. However, I can't wait to blog about Leviticus. I've got some things to say about that one! Consider this post to be my thoughts on Exodus.
The Moses in me.
I deal with anxiety. I'm not sure when it started because I was not a stressed out child. I think it has to do with my obsession with setting and exceeding my own expectations. I am a visionary and ideas person, but rip myself apart being a doer too. I really struggle with social anxiety within groups of people. My harmonizer runs itself dry unless I am with a really comfortable set of friends. I try and fix this in myself in an effort to make sure that I bring others in and force myself to unclick my social seat belt. I have been blessed to achieve a lot in my life. Lots of awards, accolades (mostly academic or performance driven). However, I still think I'm getting fired every time I have a meeting with a supervisor. I often wonder if I would be put in an asylum in any other era than the one I live in. I see a LOT of Moses in me. Maybe that is why I married an Aaron. :) Moses came from God-given security and legacy as I have. He had the education and training he needed for greatness as I have. He had a passion for justice and fairness as I have. He ran scared and tried to talk God out of His plan for him as I have so often. I have so many gifts and constantly feel a call to having a larger platform for some vague thing, but I truly run to an easy escape route and second guess what God is telling me to do. I know that I soon will be moving to another state and have determined that full time classroom management is not healthy for me long term. I would love to afford myself some form of sabbatical, but I really am curious what God has for me in Austin. I have reached a place where I am fed up with the system and American dream, yet terrified of what God might ask me to do. I think Moses did imperfectly rise to the occasion, and I so often feel like I suck while doing the Lord's work. I have taken a baby step forward in that I am open to ANYTHING waiting for me in Austin. Did I just type that? Oi vey...
Fascinated with Aaron.
Aaron, Aaron, Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. If I
have to read that name one more time. I live 1800 miles and 3 states
away from my husband right now with a 2 hour time difference and 140
days until I'm with him again permanently. 55 days until I get to see
him for a week over spring break, but who's counting? Really?! I have to
read his name over and over and over?! But, I LOVE the history of the
Levites. From the brothers who slaughter the city of Shechem in their sister's honor, to being called to becoming the original BBQ kings, to being zapped for unauthorized fire. I don't know why, but I just think their initiation as the
priestly line of the tabernacle in spite of really screwing up all the time is
a fascinating example of grace. Why did God choose a guy like Aaron to maintain his physical presence and practices for his tabernacle. I think Aaron must have been a very disciplined follower of directions. He clearly liked to follow the mob too. How thankful are you that he was replaced by Christ as Priest and mediator to God?
What are you exodusing from?
Let's first pretend that exodusing is a real word. There is strategery in my word choice. :) At one point in exodus God says, I am your healer. Were the Hebrews hurting after coming out of Egypt? You better believe that over 400 years of slavery and bondage will crush a human spirit. Now they are told they are moving on to the promised land. Let's not forget that Joseph's storyline brought the Hebrews into a season of plenty and privilege for a long time until Pharoah had no knowledge of Joseph. Peace and harmony in successful Egypt to 400 years of servitude. That is a long way to fall. I did it this year when Boy left his secure and sparkling job. He didn't work for months and couldn't find the right work until Austin called. That is a long way to fall. Granted, I married in college with not a penny to my name, so I didn't fall into a season I had never been before. However, it hurt so much more this time because all along I was doing the right thing for all the right reasons. I DESERVE to be blessed for my sacrifice (even typing that makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth). Today, I am Exodusing that season right now. I decided that doing military style marriage would need some positives for me to focus on if I was going to do it well. One of those positives is that I get to grow individually and heal from a long season with just me and the Lord. I have to put playing wife on hold. I met with a mentor last year and decided to bring a list of the hard things as it had been a few months since we had met. I had 14 very real and hard things to deal with on it. This was not a shallow list, but a list of deep hurts that angered me, frankly. I don't want to say that I'm on the other side, many of these I'm still dealing with. However, He is my healer and I have had my fill of manna. I have a little more processing before I realize that I'm going to cross the Jordan. Like the exodus, I'm letting Him unearth some very ugly things in my life and allowing him to also heal them.
Lacy B!
Saturday, January 26, 2013