I can't believe it! I read Genesis in a week AND am blogging about it like I said I would.
I can't believe it! I am leaving work earlier AND not feeling guilty about not staying until 6 like I said I would.
I can't believe it! I am running 11 and 12 miles at one time AND completing my first half marathon like I said I would.
I can't believe it! I am eating within my restricted calorie in take AND shedding some late twenties foodie vanity pounds like I said I would.
At risk of boasting of myself, I'm so blessed to have a unique season. Boy, the affectionate long time nickname of my husband of 6.5 years, recently was blessed with a job in Austin, TX. We have had Austin on our hearts and knocked on doors in vain for a few years now, but after he left his job last June and had only closed doors for almost 6 months...one door creaked and swung wide open. I NEVER thought I would leave California. Hailing from the great, perpetually-threatening-to-secede-state, I thought that California was my lineage's promised land.
My family transplanted to CA after a particularly rough, unfair ministry situation. I was not a preacher's kid for 2 1/2 years until my parents healed and return to TX. Fast forward about 10 years and we were headed back to an exciting little church just below Yosemite National Park. Can you imagine the fantasies going on in my head at 15? "I am moving to California. Not to live with movie stars or surf in Malibu, but to live in a resort in the mountains." Fancy, right?
Fast forward another 5 years. I got accepted to my dream university in TX, but not into the department of the major I wanted to study. I'm getting out of here to be the adventurous firstborn that I am. I'm going out of state to be an adult...but...I don't want to saddle my parents with $100,000 in school bills. I could get academic scholarships to a state school that is out of state. My academics could get my out of state status eliminated. Yes, I thought like this at 18. No wonder I have to play and be a silly kid so often at 28. I was a grown up picking colleges at 11. I'm like benjamin button without the wrinkles at 14 issue.
Faster forward that last 10 years...PK, only been to private school, theatre major at a public school, culture shock, heartbreaking relationship, depression, came home for christmas, starfishing on the living room floor, I'm spiritually bankrupt, I don't think I'll go back, I'm going to make high quality friends, turbo social mode, that Eddie's Bakery Muffin girl is everywhere, you're going out? I'll be there, oh no boys are noticing me, I don't want a relationship-still too hurt and just now feeling whole again, part of feeling whole is becoming unafriad to speak up, the guy likes my bestie, I gotta check him out, so you like music....married that boy, got our degrees, got our first jobs, got our first house, have this thing called a career, you should quit your job and take a sabbatical for the month of July, still no job 5 months later, Dave Ramsay never said what to do when your emergency fund set aside specifically for this runs out, waiting tables? paper routes? This is not how I planned it, depression, more silence from God, bad depression, still silence, worse depression, amazed at Boy's faith, amazed at my shallow faith, let's think like God thinks outside of the box, get a job in Austin, move out of our first home in 1 week, live apart for 7 months, move to Austin in June....and stop at today, January 13, 2013. I only list my life story to give you my lens on reading Genesis for the 12th time. Each time is different. I search for who God is and let him speak through my speed reading of his word.
Go to the Land.
I am amazed that I get to live this right now. Yes, Austin is awesome. Yes, it's exciting. We could have ended up in Detroit. Who knows? I do know that something is waiting for me in Austin. I'm still not sure, but I can have the faith of Abraham in getting there. I wonder how many are going to the land that has been set aside for them. It may not be a physical land, but I see it as a long term vision to glorify God. If the Pentateuch was just about the land flowing with Milk an Honey then we would have gotten there a lot faster. Think about how a good narrative with a plot is crafted. This is about getting there. It hurts to see just how much we screwed up God's plans (yes, I know he knew we were going to screw it up) in the getting there. That is where he grows us, in the getting there. I don't know about you, but I do not give myself the permission to screw up God's plans. I sit in perfect isolation with very clean fingernails.
Israel's Fertility.
This theme stood out to me in terms of God's plan an control. I have always thought of the Isrealites as rabbits. I mean, when you read it they really could sneeze and have 14 kids. Actually, that is a false narrative I have. God used the promise of seed and multitudes that outnumber the stars to show how in control he was of there existence. I don't really mean my thought to be a commentary on faith and fertility, but as a thought on how the Isrealites at their origin had very basic needs. Land, food, children. They did not have the complexities we have today: 401Ks, retirement plans, mortgages, careers motivated by ambition, options to get an education and pick your own career. Our lives are quite complex and layered when you think about it. For them, especially the women in their culture, the thread of infertility really made God's control and plan apparent throughout. Think about it...Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel-the wives of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the original forefathers, all struggled with barrenness. Culturally, their ultimate existence and status depended on their fertility. The idea of barrenness struck me with the idea that God relieves barrenness in our lives. I don't mean literal barrenness, but when we strive and feel stuck in our striving. It's more a thought about timing in general. How do I respond when his timing for my life is completely devoid of my efforts.
Grace: Our Patriarch's Kinda Sucked
Adam.Passive.Isaac.Gullible.Jacob.Sperm Donner.12 tribes of Jacob. Aiyaiyai. Moses.Wimp. Aaron. Peer Pressure. Yup, our oh so faithful forefathers pretty much make me feel good about myself. Wait a sec. I'll be right back. Forgot to take my plank out. God's plan for us is so freaking awesome from this 30,000 foot view but we people really screw things up. I keep hearing a still small voice each time I scoff at any of these clowns (don't even get me started on their wives). It says, "Grace." God still achieves his purpose despite our utter ridiculous existence as a child of Yahweh, a label we will never deserve. I often think of Christ and his sacrifice when I think of Grace. However, when I look just at who God is in Genesis I see his righteous wrath AND his withholding that wrath. It is not as apparent as zap whole towns with sulfur and flames, but Grace is as present as references to Christ's coming in Genesis.
In a nutshell, He is GRACIOUS and IN CONTROL.
Lacy B!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013