You know that scene you always see in movies? You know the one...where the character is desperately running jello-legged and just barely grasping the caboose of the train with their fingertips while someone is reaching out and cheering them on? Yup, the train is READING THE BIBLE IN A YEAR AND BLOGGING ABOUT IT. I am the one trying to keep on the train. God is the one reaching out and cheering me on. However, the box checker is happy to say that I have stayed on track (I just have Malachi and Daniel to go) EXCEPT for the blogging portion. As my church is breaking for the summer and I have officially relocated to Austin, I will have the time to stop and rest in it, chew on it, write about it. I'm sad to say that there will be lots of ah ha moments that will be between me and God, but that is a bad thing how? Having moved last week and in the throws of nesting in our new place, I really need to take a moment and document life--digital stones of remembrance, if you will. Let's start with marriage
Getting Married Again
No, seriously, that is exactly how it feels. There are gifts, presentations, vision/trajectory casting, reflecting on an ending season, anticipating a new season, leaving family to be my own, butting heads, conflict created out of two very independent firstborns not living together all the time, and the sheer exhilaration in having my hand held and lips that need no introduction. After reading Song of Solomon through the Old Testament plan, I have a fresh understanding. That book is not just wedding night poetry, but for those of us married for a while, maybe a little complacent, maybe becoming roommates and business partners instead of lovers meant to share Christ through our marriage.
Them: "Oh my gosh, your husband lived in another state for 8 months and you got to see each other like 4 times! That must be hard."
Me: "No, it is such a blessing."
And the conversation ends awkwardly. I giggle to myself, because I decided early on that I would not spend a season apart marrying my job. I made a conscious decision to reevaluate my role as wife and make it better. I do not mean sit and plan how to make my marriage a better one. God will work in Boy as HE sees fit. And did he ever! I can, however, work on me from the inside out. The overarching theme in the Old Testament was being wholly and totally committed to God on the inside in heart and mind. If my marriage is a direct reflection of my relationship with Christ then why not test my heart on that in my marriage. For me, it was about getting ish done. I did a little experiment to see if weeding out every distraction and focusing my energy on completing a honey do list made a difference. I essentially decided to sacrifice my down time with a constant focus on what little responsible adult tasks am I putting off, specifically the ones my husband has mentioned or requested. Can I tell you it has been a shot of B12 to my marriage! I'm talking in the simple, mundane things like: that dog class we talked about doing, the change of address form, remembering to get the oil changed
2 rules that are Rocking my Marriage-world
1) The task is not counted as done until it is 100% done. His ALWAYS go straight to the top of that list.
80% completion on that job application yesterday does not count! I have to constantly light my own fire to cross off that list and git ur dun. I can make a to do list until Jesus comes but I show Jesus when I put Boy's requests first. I would love to browse Target for every trinket it has to offer my new home, but we only need laundry detergent and Boy needs laundry done for his flight. Exciting day yesterday, huh?! I sacrifice my wants and needs and send a strong message of how much I respect my man and his needs when I do this.
2) Ask the question, "Am I asking for help with this because I literally cannot do it or because I expect him to jump and rescue me in my spirit of entitled wifery?"
I am finding an insane amount of empowerment in doing the things "a man should do." Boy's response is gratitude and more trust. I only ask for help when I literally cannot lift it or do not have that account number. I respect so much the work ethic and talent my husband has. I show that respect by telling him, but more by showing him with have 2 items on his honey do list and not 20. He is refreshed at home and want to initiate what we wives really want the most--initiation and pursuit. Case in point, I CAN AND DID take care of shipping all our things to Texas behind Aaron's back and the result was the undistracted, doting attention from my husband. Monumental task that included the most stressful day of my life? Yes, but each of those stressful moments were ones that I was saving him from. I viewed marriage roles so legalistically for so long that this idea seemed unsubmissive to me. I am capable, so why not help a brotha out. It doesn't mean I don't need him, it means I love him enough to dare the jobs I normally wouldn't.
People don't have unhappy marriages because of big things. They have unhappy marriages because you didn't do that dog class you said you were going to do for the last 6 months or the laundry is clean but wrinkled and still in the laundry room for day 96. You see, I am creating habits that will protect my marriage for the long term. If I am willing to weed out every distraction this world and my flesh has to offer to focus on showing Christ to this world, then shouldn't I practically in my day to day marriage?
The fun or not so fun part (depending on the day) is when I use my relationship with Christ OR my marriage as the benchmark for my priorities. Already, my walk is not a priority in my day because I'm only focused on the marriage side of the scale. The balance will never be still, but it is about the journey, right?